Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Dreams can come true

I wrote this in 2010... unfortunately I lost 60 pounds and gave up. I've since gained that back and more... I am re-posting an excerpt from the original article,"The Road to a Beautiful Life" published 6/22/10,  because I am re-inspired to start making some healthy changes in my life and hopefully get back some of  the joy and freedom I have lost. I hope this inspires you to make healthy choices as well.

Over the years I have been a plus size advocate, a fashion consultant and wardrobe stylist and I have resigned myself to be a happy, healthy and vibrant plus size woman, BBW whatever you want to call it. a happy fat girl. I wanted to show the world that a big woman can be happy confident and secure... and well dressed ;). For years I was happy and energetic and content at a size 20. I had an accident that hurt my spine and my hips and I have gone from being a size 20 to a 26. I still tried to be that girl... happy.

But in the back of my mind there were little disappointments. Times where I would realize that every pound I gained was  like  loosing another a piece of myself.  I couldn't hike up a mountain like I used to. Traveling has become harder. I cant walk for hours and hours and explore a city. There are times I long for a Chanel  suit or a Marc Jacobs dress and know it will never happen. Knowing I cant ride a horse like I used to, or ride a bike as far as I would like to go. I know I want children and the doctor told me how my weight would prevent me from becoming pregnant, I want to get married and be the most beautiful person in the wedding party... but I know that the dress selection for girls like me is like looking for fine china at Walmart. And if I did have kids how sad will it be, If i can't run around with them and play. I refused to think about all of these things I had lost. I chose to make the best of what I had. I know a lot of it is because of my injury it just takes time to heal, but my weight isn't helping the healing process and it's the weight that makes me look different than I did. Makes people stare. Makes me feel socially awkward and unwelcome. Makes me feel heavy.. and makes my jeans dig into my skin and leave red marks. I don't want to live this way... indefinably.

Maya Angelou once said "to survive is necessary, to thrive is elegant." I want to thrive. I want to be happy and to see all my dreams come true. I don't want to live the rest of my life with the expectancy of an early death. I choose life and life more abundantly. I fear I may fail but I'm going to try. If we are faithful to pursue good, God is faithful to complete that work in us. My body is my temple so the Lord said and as I sat in church and listened for the call of missionaries to go to  Haiti to help the poor  my spirit felt moved to serve and realized my body would prevent me from really being a help to them. I felt, I would just slow everyone down and be an extra burden to the team and that's when I realized what I had done to my body. When The body interrupts the call of the lord on your life. When it prevents you from finding true love and enjoying the things you love, Fashion... the outdoors... travel... It's time to make a BIG change.

 In pursuit of my hopes and dreams and all the hopes I put aside  in the trash can of impossibility.  I am going to change my life. Someone told me that if I lost the weight they would buy me a Chanel handbag. This has always been a dream of mine to own one so we will see. I will bring you updates and thoughts from my journey. I am still the happy confident woman, I will still bring you style advice and continue to feature plus size women.

I hope my story  and complete honesty encourages you to take the necessary steps toward a happy life whatever it looks like for you.  Freedom is having the ability to choose your own path. The feminist movement was meant to give women options to work if they wanted to or needed to. We often defend our choices by putting down others choices. That is not and will never be my heart for you. Be you, be happy just be honest about what that means for you and do not settle for anything less than exactly what you want.